Relationship Help

For me I did have the big wedding, white gown and he did this big proposal
and then went to my parents to ask their blessing etc. We were engaged a
year with an engagement party …..the whole nine yards. I wanted to live
together first, but < in the jerks defence> my ex knew my mom would have a
cow so we did it “right” so to speak.

Well…. now after 11 years < of his abuse> we are now divorced < as a side
note, he got physicaly abusive with me RIGHT before the wedding and ALL I
could think of was that I could’nt get out of the relationship ’cause the
invitations were already sent>

I DO want to get married again. But I don’t think I will do it the same. I
don’t see another big wedding and white formal gown and all. I do however
have my 2 daughters that will be a part of it if and when it ever happeneds.

With the divorce I took back my madden name but also kept the maddied one for
the kids < so things like school hopefully wouldn’t be strange for them>. As
it turn out, I MOSTLY use my maden name now < and forget about the hyphen and
other name>and my kids don’t think anything of it.
Just my thoughts

“But most of the time she spends around me belittling me, insulting me, and complaining about me. “

This is why I need to leave my marriage. I find myself behaving in this way to my husband and I do not like myself at all. Ya, I have been supporting him for almost 2 years, he doesn’t bathe and smells awful and makes messes all over my home. I try so hard to be polite, Please would you be willing to take a shower, would you please wipe off the spilled food from the counter, etc, I just find that I am constantly saying those kinds of things, and I lose my patience. I even find myself walking into a particularly huge and nasty mess and screamingl, “OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” and OH F——–!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” He doesn’t understand why I am reacting this way. I then lose it and find myself belittling, being sarcastic, “Wow!! Good for you, You picked up your napkin from the floor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” I try desparately to sound genuine, “Thank you soooo much for taking a bath”, and I dispise myself when I hear my voice. I can’t believe that he could be comfortable with this. He often complains, “Stop picking on me!!”

I just can’t live with this. I can’t live with myself behaving in this disrespectful way either. I am sorry but I think I may understand a bit. You do not deserve to be treated that way, no one does, and there may be a reason for it that you are not seeing.

Couples therapy can be a very good thing when you get a good therapist and both partners really want to use the therapy time well. Playing a blaming game and not getting down to the real issues will not help. I wish you the best.

Please take good care of yourself. You are in a situation that really is not pleasant.

For me, I have come from a severely abusive childhood background and to find a small zone of safety learned to find those things in myself from the time I was pretty young. Art, music, reading, playing piano, singing, being in nature, were all places where I could find those things.

As I grew older I have had many struggles, and still walked my path seeking to build balance and harmony. It is like nature, never still or static, but always in change, like walking on a tightrope.

I have always sought the spiritual, I find that in music, art, nature. As I became older I began to seek the traditions and culture of my Cherokee ancestors. I find great grounding, strength and happiness in the spirituality of my Cherokee traditions. The more that I walk in that way, the more I learn about balance and harmony. That is a path to walk in the journey of life, not just something that you can get and sit in. It is a journey.

That is how it is for me. I am sure that each and every person would have their own personal answer about that.