Relationship Help

I would like to have my ex’s parental rights removed. He for the past 7 years since our divorce has done so many irresponsible things that I feel if something happened to me, he having the kids would be a disaster. I don’t feel like his relationship what little he has with the kids will change, only his ability to make legal decisions for the kids. Some of the things that have been going on for the past seven years are: not keeping a job for more than 6 months, drug use and abuse, 35000 behind in child support, everytime he has the kids he trys to get food stamps and medicaid for himself, on his weekend when he does take them (rarely) he sleeps the entire time - leaving the kids to fend for themselves. I just worry that if something were to happen to me, the kids would be in a really bad situation. My questions is where do I start with this. Is this something I can do on my own, or do I need a lawyer. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

well maybe it’s just terminology, but when I go see a movie with my friend MJ, I don’t call it ‘taking her out to the movies;’ and I don’t pay for her or anything like that, we are just going to see a movie together, usually just because it’s a movie we want to see, not just for something to do, or to hang out or go on some kind of pseudo date or anything. And sometimes we’ll go have a couple drinks afterwards, but even though it could probably very easily develop into something more, we both - we *all* know that it probably *shouldn’t* for numerous reasons, and respect that.

Personally, I have always enjoyed the company of women more than the company of other guys, and usually felt more comfortable around them - that is until I did feel attracted to them in more than a ‘just friends’ way, then I become dead nervous, but that’s another matter! And my wife has always said she always has had more guy friends than female friends, she just always got along with them better - she was a bit of a tomboy growing up, I think. It does sound like jealousy, and maybe it is! I know when my wife first started going out to do things with her guy friends without me (after our first baby) I was pretty jealous, but quickly got over it. I knew she wasn’t going out “dating” anyone, she was just going to to get out of the house & socialize with her friends. Nothing wrong with that. Is there any time you have ever wanted to go somewhere with your male friends but felt you couldn’t because your husband wouldn’t let you?

I *hate* to keep burdening you guys with different variations on this theme, but it’s driving me crazy.

He entered the relationship not only a bdsm “virgin,” but with no pre-existing fascination with the area. I “did without” sexually for six months, “settling” for vanilla-only with this man (which I swore I’d never do, for ANYBODY!, and for damn near 20 years I held the line on this WITHOUT EXCEPTION), even after many long, deep convos on the subject. I found myself wishing that he’d go to some of the meetings of the local bdsm education/support group to learn more, even though for a number of reasons I have chosen not to associate *myself* with the formal/social “Scene” in my geographic area. To which end I started forwarding him my newsletters from this group, which he said he was skimming but without real interest.

Lately our lovemaking has improved dramatically. While it’s far from what anyone would categorize as formal s/m, I’m getting a lot more of what I need and he (or so he says) is “not doing anything he doesn’t enjoy.” Why the long wait? He says it just took time for him to “process” my sexual identification and figure out his own feelings in this area. (BTW, this is entirely plausible. I’ve seen him do the same thing re other issues, both with myself and with others.)

So here’s the problem: Now he announces that while I was out of town, he met a woman online who specifically invited him to the next local group meeting this weekend. I applaud the educational effort, and of course I encouraged him to attend!, but omigod I KNOW what goes on at those “Play Parties” that individual members rent rooms at the hosting hotel for, after the gavel comes down…! Wouldn’t it just be a BITCH if I did all the work and put in all the time [patience] opening him up to this subculture, and then lost him to the first goddam cyberfloozy willing to take him up on his new interest…?????